delirium happy

Just keep on trying till you run out of cake

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whiny complainy stuff
delirium happy
rho


One of my general principles that I try to live my life by, is to always make the best of things as they are at the time. To not think, "oh things will be better when..." because if you go about things that way, then you spend your entire life waiting rather than living. The exact thing that you're waiting for will change (when I get a job, when my girlfriend moves in, when I can afford a car, etc.) but it will always carry on, because life will never be perfect.

So the better way to go about things is to say, "sure, things aren't perfect, but they aren't too bad, so I'll try to make the most of them". and yes, that isn't always possible. "Things will be better when I recover from this case of flu" is valid, for instance. For the most part though, it's a good way to live life.

So I'm finding it rather disconcerting that I'm finding myself saying "oh, things will be better when I move" so much. I mean, it's true that it will be better, but that's no reason for me to be saying it. And really, the prospect of moving is pretty much all that's keeping me sane here.

Today's random example: while living here, I can't really buy my own food, because here is in the middle of deepest suburbia, and more or less entirely isolated from everywhere for people without a car (eg, me). Now, my mum used to go shopping twice a week, but then her work schedule changed, and now she only goes once a week, on fridays. Now, she's got this fairly well worked out in terms of buying food for herself and my dad, but still nto for me. I'm a fussy eater, so I don't eat all that many different things in the first place. And then, once you get onto things that I actually eat that aren't perishable within a week, I generally tend to have very little choice by the end of the week. And having to eat the same thing for several consecutive meals is a superb way to make me not want to eat anything at all, which really isn't good for me.

So today, my mum decided that she wasn't going to go out and do the shopping today as it was snowing. Which is fair enough, but I'm not a happy bunny. Another day of wanting to avoid all food isn't good for me. Can I please have some control over my life again? Please? Before I go totally fucking nuts?

And on a similar note, I love my mum, really I do, but I also absolutely cannot stand being around her right now. For starters, she has absolutely no empathy whatsoever. Whenever I'm upset, or annoyed, or in some other way less than stellar, she has a knack of saying exactly the wrong thing. The thing that will make me feel worse. She also tends to make the most inane and mundane small talk imaginable. I don't care; go away. And finally, and perhaps most infuriatingly of all, she has a habit of not letting me finish my sentences. I often pause mid-sentence. It's a habit that I picked up when I was depressed, and needed extra time to get my brain working properly. I sometimes construct the first part of the sentence, pause slightly while constructing the next bit, and so on. I don't have a problem with this at all, excet with my mother, who very often jumps in during these pauses to finish my sentences, and almost invariably gets them wrong, because she just doesn't grok me remotely.

So yes. Going insane. Need to get out of here. Shouldn't be long now. Mid-march, hopefully.

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Could you do your own shopping on the way home from uni ie. before you get the train?

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?

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