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delirium happy

Just keep on trying till you run out of cake

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By request
delirium happy
I honestly hadn't intended to write anything like this, but mortaine asked for an explanation of just why I don't like Christmas, so that's exactly what I'm going to write.

I really don't know the best way to write this. I've already started it twice, and deleted what I've written. I know exactly why I hate christmas, I just don't know how best to describe this for other people, so instead I'm going to just launch into it.

I hate the obligation. I hate the assumptions. I hate the hypocrisy.

I hate the way that you can't escape from christmas. To not celebrate christmas labels you as some sort of pariah. You're a killjoy. You're a scrooge. You have no sense of fun.

I hate the way that expectations run so high. I hate the fact that it;s expected to send a card to everyone you've ever met in your entire life. I hate the fact that you have to buy presents for distant relatives who you know nothing about and who will almost certainly open them, say "oh, how nice" and then put it at the back of a cupboard never to be seen again.

I hate the falsehood. I hate the pretense that yes, I really do love the neon pink and lime green tartan sweater you bought for me, great aunt Hortense. I hate the way that everyone smiles forced smiles at each other, when really they'd happily be at each other's throats.

I hate the forced jollity of the situation. I hate the fact that it isn't allowed for someone to be depressed over christmas. I hate the memories that I have of trying to be heerful to live up to others' expectations when I was suffering from bad depression, only to end up damaging my mental health even more. I hate that that can happen to other people.

I hate that it's hyped up so much that it can really screw with the heads of people who don't have anyone to celebrate with.

I hate the idea of showing good will towards men at christmas, or of using christmas to get in touch with lost friends. I hate the implication that it's ok not to be decent to each other at other times of year, or that people should be able to get away with things a christmas.

I hate the arbitrariness of the 25th as a date. I hate that people need an excuse to buy each other gifts.

I hate the very idea of a secular corruption of a christian corruption of a pagan festival.

I hate the crass over-commercialism. I hate the crowds. I hate all the christmas music that you can't escape from.

I hate the dogma. I hate the meaningless traditions. I hate all the gaudy decorations, and the headache-inducing flashing lights.

I hate the crap that gets put on TV.

I hate brussel sprouts, and I hate cranberries.

I hate that people can be smug and sanctimonious and say that it's better to give than to receive, when all they really mean is that giving makes them fell good, and they wouldn't give it up if someone else doesn't want to receive.

I hate that all the shops are shut for a couple of days.

I hate that everybody automatically assumes that everyone enjoys christmas.

I'm sure I hate several other things about it, that I've forgotten right now. There's just so much crap about christmas, that I'm bound to forget about some of it.

But above everything else, I hate how difficult it is to opt out. I hate having to do anything purely because it's the done thing.

And I've had enough of it. I'm not doing it any more. i'm bucking the system. Fuck christmas. And fuck people, with all their fucking expectations of me.

I'm not doing christmas any more. I wish more people would do the same.

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I agree with much of what you said. Tonight, at the Christmas party, I was given two gifts.

Which, while nice - were totally useless to me.


Because the people didn't know me, obviously.

I smiled and said thanks, and played with Stephanie (who got a play McDonald's food set).

But yeah, the cards, the shopping, the obligations...

My true people know they mean something to me. I give them what I can.

Society would have me feel badly, because I don't have enough money to buy elaborate gifts for everyone.


But you know what? I'd rather get - or give - a mix CD or tape from a friend than anything store bought.

It's... to me it's a very personal thing, isolated from what "society" calls Christmas.

It's more... a wish that people could really be as nice and charitable as they pretend to be this time of year. A hope.

Yeah. I was going to work at a homeless shelter over the break before I got snatched off for a holiday, and I hate the fact that people think donating a few scraps to people who need things at Christmas time excuses complete apathy for the rest of the year.

Hmm, I hope you can appreciate that Christmas isn't like that for everyone.
I'm spending Christmas with the two, possibly three, people I would actually want to spend any day of the year with. I'm not giving anyone gifts I didn't want to, and I (hope) I got them gifts I thought were appropiate. These are also people I get little things for all year around, and I hope, they're not commercial things, since often times they're things I've made. Someone still has a long flappy orange scarf I made him for our first Christmas together.

I agree with you about the largest majority of what you've said - I just know that its not like that for everyone. We're having a meatless dinner of terayaki vegetables and tofu. On the 28th. My tree is orange and gold - typical God/Solstice colours, not multi coloured flashy tinkley, as it pertains to my upbringing. One of the people I'm choosing to spend my Christmas with is bi-polar and I expect no attitude adjustment out of zir then I do any other time of the year. I love zir regardless, and expect nothing but truth and honesty. And one of the other people I may not be able to see because her the depressive portion of her bi polar is so bad she may stay in bed, but I saw her when I could, and will do again, and she got her present long before December even rolled around, because we're like that with one another.

*shrug* Maybe its vastly different where you are and where I am, but its not hard to make Christmas what you want it to be if you stand up to what you believe, or even to escape it at all. There are a lot of stores open here - I've jsut eaten chinese take-away for lunch, even. A lot of people celebrated Chaunukah, and a lot of people celebrated Solstice, and more people will begin to celebrate Kwanseah tomorrow. I don't expect people to celebrate any thing at all, even, and I try to keep everyone in mind - not because I feel some sort of societal obligation to - but because this mixture are the people I care about, and I don't want them to feel let out or in some way obligated to conform just because what I go with is closer to the mainstream then what they may celebrate is.

I hope you're able to excape from Christmas today, if that's what you want, and its relatively stress-free.

Thanks for sharing, rho. It's-- it's a good reminder.

I think that you can do a lot of things to make the holiday more bearable, but you're right-- it's almost impossible to escape it. The only people I know of who manage to not acknowledge a holiday on December 25 are on active combat duty at Christmas, and they still acknowledge it (as the morale of all their compatriots spirals downward).

So..... happy Wednesday. Or, Thursday, if you don't read this till tomorrow.

i agree with everything there except for 2 bits, but i still love christmas... probably for that one bit... and it's 'cause i'm really this many *holds up 3 fingers*.

and the one thing that i disagree with you on is... love all the gaudy decorations, and the headache-inducing flashing lights, and i love the crap that gets put on TV.

oh... and cranberries. i like cranberries, but we don't do those for c'mas.

we do pizza.


Personally I hate having to spend any time with my familly. But hey, they got me books I wanted (I sent them a list...).

I resonate with a lot of that. This is the first Xmas I've enjoyed in years, and it's because I spent it with the people I wanted to spend it with, doing the things I wanted to do.

I'm there. But I'm adding the fact that I hate the fact that I like getting presents, and I like people feeding me free food and chocolate. I feel guilty for that, and I hate the fact that I feel guilty for something I don't have to feel guilty for.

I'm just a screwed up child.

Christmas this year has been hell. But at the same time, the parties and the friends and the unexpected generosity and the getting out of the house and at least pretending to have fun has also kept me from doing some very stupid things.

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