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delirium happy

Just keep on trying till you run out of cake

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hiding, cousin it
OK, positive points. Managing to identify Good Things that come out of Bad Things is generally a good idea. Something positive to come out of yesterday's debacle is that I've managed to identify something which is a major trigger for me. I've talked about my depression in this journal. I used to have approximately zero self esteem. I firmly believed that I was entirely worthless and that everyone else would be better off ignoring me entirely. Now, I'm a whole lot better than that these days, but I'm still decidedly emotionally fragile.

And I finally managed to realise yesterday that being ignored ignored, overlooked or dismissed is a huge trigger for me.

See, I thought the prank yesterday was stupid and tasteless but I wasn't hugely bothered by it. Then I saw those responsible for it refusing to admit that they'd done anything wrong, accusing me of over-reacting and other such stuff. And that was when I got really upset. When my friends start acting as if my views and opinions are worthless. And I really was badly upset. ratkrycek knows how upset I was, because she had me being upset at her. I was too upset to sleep. I was a hair's breadth away from quitting support and #lj_support.

So there's a nice little appendix for "the care and feeding of rhos". Do not devalue or dismiss my feelings unless you want to seriously break my brain.

I'm still feeling upset and hurt over this whole thing, but at least I know why now, which hopefully means I have a chance at recovery.