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delirium happy

Just keep on trying till you run out of cake

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Find food feed to feed fine food.
delirium happy
Have I mentioned yet that living here is driving me crazy? Yes, I have, but here's another reason.

Food. Food has always been a problem for me. Always. I've always been a horribly fussy eater, who just doesn't like a lot of food. And I don't even really enjoy eating even those foods that I do eat. I mostly eat because I have to. If I didn't have to eat, then I wouldn't, and I'd be happier for it. But unfortunately, I do. Now, I'm nowhere near as bad as I used to be. I'm no longer underweight. I can derive some small amount of pleasure from eating. I doubt I'm likely to not eat at all for two days or so because I'm too screwed up to leave the house to get food again at any time in the near future.

However, there are still times, occasionally, when I really don't want to eat. When it takes a real effort of will to force myself to put food in my mouth. And now is one of those times. Typically, the way that I get through this is to only eat those things that I want to eat. I'll forget about all the "ought to"s. Price, health, dental hygiene, and anything else you care to name all go out of the window. The most important thing is just to eat. Manage to get that one sorted, and I can rest assured that this too will pass.

What I want right now is sandwiches. Small enough not to be overfacing. Take hardly any time to prepare so I can have them when I want to rather than half an hour after I do. Something I can make myself so I can vary the ingredients to taste to mood.

Unfortunately, just about the only sandwich I can make using the ingredients on the house right now is ham and brie on slightly stale white bread. And it isn't even particularly nice brie. Which isn't too bad a sandwich once, but gets kind of boring.

Now, this house is far too far in the middle of nowhere for me to be able to go and buy food for myself, since I don't drive, so I'm reliant on my mum to buy me food. Which isn't too bad, except for when she screws up, and fails to buy absolutely anything that I like. When this occurs at a time when my eating is screwy. And it gets more and more screwy as the week goes on. And argh. Not that this is really her fault or anything, it's just the General Situation that I'm peeved at. I hate not being able to just go out and buy the food that I want to eat. And I hate living here. But I think I already mentioned that.

So, my eating is really screwed up right now, and I'm really wanting to not eat at all.

And sorry for the rambly ranty whiney depressive entries about here lately and for the next couple of months.

If you need me, I'll just be wandering off to join pro_ana.


Or not, as the case may be.

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I really wish I could think of anything helpful to do or suggest.

I don't think you're being whiny. I am at the tail end of parental co-habitation myself, and it's been driving me insane for years, to the point where any circumstance that reflects the fact that I am not the sole master of my domain (the radio being on someone else's station when I turn it on, things that I don't use but that have to be kept because other people use them) drives me batshit.

I mean, there are more important things too (siblings running off with my car keys because they lost their own, me being late for work because someone ran off with the car that I thought was mine for the day, my new bath towels being used as floor dripclothes for a messy craft project...) but it doesn't even take anything important to get me iiritated anymore. I need out so bad.

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