delirium happy

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Hot dog rolls. Really.
delirium happy
rho
Of all the half-arsed and pathetic things I've ever had cause to complain about, this one has to rank... well, somewhere in the middle, actually.

Today, I went to the supermarket and I bought some hot dog buns. There's just so many opportunities for ranting attached to these things. But I shall leave aside the fact that I'm sure they used to be called "finger rolls". I shall ignore, for a second, my never-ending annoyance with the fact that "hot dog" means different things on different sides of the Atlantic. I shall even accept, for the time being, that the buns always come in packs of six, whereas the sausages come in packs of eight. All of these things are annoying, but they all pale into insignificance when compared with the true horror of the particular buns.

See, after getting home, and starting to cook the sausages I also bought today, I retrieved the buns and opened the packet. You can only imagine my pure chagrin when I discovered that these buns come pre-cut to fit a sausage in them. What sort of idiocy is this? Do people truly exist who think "well, I fancy some hot dogs, but cutting the buns sounds far too difficult so I think I'll have something else instead"? Is there anyone out there who is truly so monstrously incompetent? If so, then can you please stop this universe right here, because I want to get off. It's consumer-laziness gone mad.

But here's the real kicker. The cut wasn't even sensibly placed. Instead of being nicely centred where any sane person would put a cut, ensuring a large quantity of bread in between one's fingers and the contents of one's roll, the damn fools that designed these buns decided that the cut would be better placed right near the edge of the roll. Now, I will concede that this might just about work if you have a piddly little thin sausage. But I didn't. Oh no, I had a nice, thick sausage, and if I try to put that onto the roll then there just isn't room in the pre-existing cut, and the whole damn roll falls apart. And of course, you can't place another, sensible cut in a place of your choosing, because the cut that's already there will get in the way, and once again the roll will fall apart. The net result of all this is that it was impossible to put my sausages on my roll, and at the end of the day, all six rolls will go uneaten, because of their entire lack of suitability for the purpose for which they were bought.

Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid.

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I find that so funny, because the standard around here for hot dogs and buns is 8 buns per pack, and either 8 or 10 dogs per pack. The buns are also typically cut in The Wrong Place for efficient use. Of course, if I use sausages instead of hot dogs, I buy the mini french loaves and I get to cut those myself.

I don't buy hot dog buns unless we are having a party (for the kid) where hot dogs are the main course. We use "Texas Size" bread - nice thick cuts of it.

I was going to buy the mini french loaves today. I've used them in the past, and they fit sausages into them perfectly. However, due to the appauling supermarket stock control (which is an entirely different rant) there were none of them, so I had to make do.

I don't think I've ever seen buns that weren't pre-cut or in a package of at least 8. The cut is usually really close to the top or bottom, meaning one piece is ridiculously thin and annoying, but I rarely eat franks so it's not a major issue for me.

I alternate between "hot dogs" and "franks." It's a hot dog if it's nasty, processed meat by-product, and a frank if it's the real thing.

On this side of the Atlantic, a hot dog refers (ime) to any sort of sausage on a bun. The type of sausage refered to as a hot dog in the US is generally called a frankfurter over here, and I don't think I've ever come across any of them which weren't excessively over-processed and frankly (pun intended) disgusting.

Our local butcher does a decent job of making them taste pretty decent. I agree that most are rather gross, though.

Wow. It sounds like the only difference between hot dogs and hot dog buns in the UK and the US is the fact that the US increases the package size by 2 each. It's still off by 2, and the buns are still cut wrong.

i wonder whether the pre-cutting is meant to be child-friendly. they're also big picnic fare -- possibly that's a factor too.

me, i hate the whole shebang, (north-american) hot dogs and buns both -- they taste hideous to me and seem to have no redeeming nutritional value.

This is why you should become a Discordian.

Discordians are prohibited from eating hot dog buns.

But mandated to eat Hot dogs on Friday. Pref. with mixed pork and beef sausage and lots of butter...

Only once, and *in* a bun that time.

To quote:

"A Discordian is Required during his early Illumination to Go Off Alone and Partake Joyously of a Hot Dog on a Friday; this Devotive Ceremony to Remonstrate against the popular Paganisms of the Day: of Catholic Christendom (no meat on Friday), of Judaism (no meat of Pork), of Hindic Peoples (no meat of Beef), of Buddhists (no meat of animal), and of Discordians (no Hot Dog Buns)."

I had it quoted me with every Friday... now I am glad. For I do not have to eat lots of nasty hotdogs.

So that's why San Jose's discordian cabal has a weenie roast on fridays.

I didn't realize it was a religious thing.

:p

Our buns are always pre-cut, and admittedly are not cut in the middle, but I believe that's for the same reason as why hamberger buns are cut unevenly. I just hunted all over for a link, only to realize that I read it in one of those Imponderables books. It has to do with the way the top of the bun puffs up while it's baking, and if the buns were cut higher up they wouldn't cut smoothly.

I have no problems with where hot dog buns are cut. I don't eat hot dogs on them though. We use them for fish sandwiches because the fish we buy fits perfectly on hot dog buns.

Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen buns designed for hot dogs/frankfurters (to me the two words refer to the exact same food item which can be made of cow, pig, or a mix, but the important part is the phallic shape) that didn't come pre-cut. Not a huge issue for me as I'm vegetarian.

To me it's all a bit academic, as such buns are made of disappointing indigestion-provoking pseudobread. Proper french bread (something with a structural crust) of whatever convenient size is infinitely superior, and usually tastes better too. I have, while travelling in nonspecific european countries, encountered saussage-inna-bun machines which include a heated metal phallus of saussagelike diameter, for the purpose of creating and lightly toasting a saussage-sized hole down the centre of a half-baguette, such that the nose of the baguette prevents ketchup-seepage while the saussage is held firmly in place on all axies. Genius.

Brilliant! I shall have to take a trip across the ocean to find these sausage-in-a-bun machines. 'Round these parts, we call that a "pig in a blanket," or if it's for breakfast, that would be a kolache. (Yes, I know that a kolache is not made with meat. My friend's mother is Polish, and taught me what a 'proper' kolache is. Regardless, Shipley's Donuts has the best durn sausage and cheese kolaches I have ever tasted.)

Indeed. See above comment though.

Sainsbury's stock control is so completely and utterly naff that it makes Safeway look good by comparison ("What's that you wanted? Meat? Oh sorry, we're all out of that today. Here, have some quorn instead"). Lamentably, said buns were the only available bread-like item of an appropriate size and shape. I can just about deal with the pseudobreadness, but the precutness just pushed me over the edge.

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