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delirium happy

Just keep on trying till you run out of cake

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I think my existential angst is showing again
delirium leaving
I just had a moment of utter clarity; an epiphany, if you will. Unfortunately, it was an epiphany of existential angst.

What I realised in that heart-wrenching moment was just how monumentally and abjectly fucked up this world is. I mean, I always knew that it was fucked up, but the extent of it had managed to pass me by up until now. I guess it's one of those things that you avoid thinking about so that you can go on maintaining a vague semblance of functionality.

The essential premise of what I realised is this: there is (I believe) no happily ever after, no greater beyond and no underlying purpose to life. This does not mean that we live life without purpose; it means that the only purpose is that which we make for ourselves. And that's where the vast screwiness comes in: we don't. We are lazy, selfish and stupid. We never learn from our mistakes, and people continue to screw other people over and treat them like shit. All that ever seems to happen is that one kind of shit gets replaced by another.

At this point, I would go out and try to do what little I could to try to make the world a better place. I won't though, of course, because I'm far too lazy, selfish and stupid.

If anyone needs me, I'll be burying myself in mindless video games, trying to forget about this.

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Some of us are trying to make things better. The problem is that it takes X amount of effort to keep things as good as they've been, and then we need more people to bring it to better. And lots of people with good intentions get mixed up and end up working to make things worse.

But you're looking at the wrong scorecard. Stop looking at the overall result, and start looking at what you've accomplished. And you can accomplish things to make the world that contacts you better. The thing is, most people overlook the small things they do, often not even realizing they do them, but you should take credit for them. Because I bet if you tally things up, the world is a better place for your existing. And that strikes me as success and okay.

Just to cheer you up a little further, http://www.markallencam.com/itsnotgonnabeok.html.

However, I do think people learn--slowly and erratically, but they do. People were a lot more pro-war (as a general sort of thing that encouraged and demonstrated courage) a century ago than they are now.

I hear you. I go through occasional frantic bursts of trying to work the whole world/people/god/meaningoflife equation out - but it's so much easier to bury your head and pretend you don't care about knowing. And play Speedy Eggbert on my laptop until nothing at all seems to matter anymore. Haw haw. :) Hi.

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