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delirium happy

Just keep on trying till you run out of cake

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I think my existential angst is showing again
delirium leaving
I just had a moment of utter clarity; an epiphany, if you will. Unfortunately, it was an epiphany of existential angst.

What I realised in that heart-wrenching moment was just how monumentally and abjectly fucked up this world is. I mean, I always knew that it was fucked up, but the extent of it had managed to pass me by up until now. I guess it's one of those things that you avoid thinking about so that you can go on maintaining a vague semblance of functionality.

The essential premise of what I realised is this: there is (I believe) no happily ever after, no greater beyond and no underlying purpose to life. This does not mean that we live life without purpose; it means that the only purpose is that which we make for ourselves. And that's where the vast screwiness comes in: we don't. We are lazy, selfish and stupid. We never learn from our mistakes, and people continue to screw other people over and treat them like shit. All that ever seems to happen is that one kind of shit gets replaced by another.

At this point, I would go out and try to do what little I could to try to make the world a better place. I won't though, of course, because I'm far too lazy, selfish and stupid.

If anyone needs me, I'll be burying myself in mindless video games, trying to forget about this.

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Just to cheer you up a little further, http://www.markallencam.com/itsnotgonnabeok.html.

However, I do think people learn--slowly and erratically, but they do. People were a lot more pro-war (as a general sort of thing that encouraged and demonstrated courage) a century ago than they are now.

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