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delirium happy

Just keep on trying till you run out of cake

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A day in the life
delirium leaving
I haven't updated in a while. I should do that, if only to assure people that I'm not dead.

I'm not dead.

Life is pretty much sucking recently though, which would be why my posting frequency has dropped from "rarely" to "virtually never". Here, let me give an example:

This is how today should have gone:

Following a reasonably early night last night, I got up this morning, showered, ate breakfast, took my medication, then went off to my doctor's appointment at 10:20. There, we talked about how the fluoxetine he put me on last time I saw him was going, he gae me a repeat prescription, and I nipped over to the pharmacy to turn the bit of paper into little green capsules.I then returned home to have a relaxing day reading and playing Guild Wars.

This is how today actually went:

After staying up way too late last night due to insomnia and SNAFU sleep patterns, I slept poorly, waking up at about 05:30, then about 07:00, and finally about 08:30. Still far too tired, I realised that if I wanted to get to the doctor's I was going to have to get up. Rather than actually doing so, however, I had a bout of depression-paralysis, and what felt as if it was going to turn into a panic attack. I conclude that I really don't have the strength to press through that, and I really don't feel like having a full blown panic attack so I give up on seeing the doctor. I try to get back to sleep, but I'm still too on-edge. I pull my duvet over my head to try to block out the world, but that makes me too hot. I decide to move out of my bedroom and into what could euphemisticly be described as my hallway, and shut the bedroom door to block out light, heat ad sound coming through from the bedroom, so I could pretend the rest of the world doesn't exist. There I lay my duvet down on the wood floor, and fall asleep on that. I then wake up at 13:00, at which point I proceed to not have breakfast because I haven't been to the supermarket in too long and have no milk, and then proceed not to take my medication since I don't know when I'll actually get around to seeing the doctor to get more, and gradually tapering off what I'm taking is less likely to be bad for me than continuing at normal dose until I run out and then going cold turkey. I then have a somewhat stressful day angsting over how crappy I was to miss the appointmet, vaguely cotemplating ringing up to book a new one but not doing because they'll shout at me for missing this one, and realising that I need to go to the supermarket to have enough to eat today, but not doing so because it's too hot out.

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*peers through the foliage at the Lesser Spotted Rho*

If it makes you feel any better, I've been living here two months now, and I only just made my first docs appointment today. And that's only because I'm perilously low on diabetes meds. Damn having a condition where I have no choice but to brave the doctors. *kicks things*

I have been known to go a week without my fluoxetine, and had no real ill-effects. But the tapering off method really is better. Stockpiling pills is an even better method. Unless you move doctors and eat up your stockpile rather than actually seeing the doctor. ¬_¬

You can always plead migraine. Since my doctors (and jobs) know I really do have them, and when I'm in a full panic I sound barely coherent, I've saved my ass that way a few times.

I wish you felt better. Would you like one of my fish? Pick any color you like.

The Tortie would like you to know that she sympathizes, and that she would totally deign to be petted if your arms were a bit longer.

Also, not sure how it works over there, but maybe try having the pharmacy call for a refill? They might do it and they might not, but it'd save your having to call the doctor until you're feeling more like dealing with them. Mine sometimes will even if I was meant to see the doctor before refilling again.

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