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delirium happy

Just keep on trying till you run out of cake

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delirium leaving
Last weekend, I went up to Aberdeen to visit my girlfriend, amanda. I had a wonderful time, and was very much in love.

This weekend, I'm single again. I'm a sad panda.

This was entirely Amanda's decision. What she's said to me is that after spending time with me, and after having time to think about it, she's come to realise that although she loves me a great deal, she isn't in love with me. And I respect that. While this does hurt a great deal, I'm very grateful that she's been up front and honest with me and hasn't dragged things out or led me on. Much much better to have a clean break now than a messy extended breakup after I've fallen more in love or have more invested in the relationship. I'm also hopeful that that sort of openness and honesty will make it easier to retain a solid, loving friendship as we move forwards.

The thing that is mostly hurting me, I think, is going from such a high to such a low in such a short space of time. Thinking of all the wonderful things from last weekend and knowing that they're never going to happen again. The first time we kissed, when the world just melted away and there was nothing but the two of us. Snuggling up to her in bed and being warm and comfortable and just totally at peace as I fell asleep. Running my hands down the curves of her body. The look on her face when she was smiling. And so on and so forth.

I don't even know if I'll ever even see her in person again, and that hurts.

I'm trying not to beat myself up over this. Rationally, I know full well that this isn't because of anything I'd done wrong, or that I'm in any way not worthy of being loved or whatever. Of course, there's still my paranoia and general low self-esteem, trying to insist otherwise, but mostly I'm doing a good job of shutting out those negative emotions.

So yes, I'm single again.

And yes, I'm hurting over it.

But yes, I will be OK, after a bit of time to heal.

And no, I don't want to talk about it.

And what's worst is that I'm almost out of chocolate.

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<3 I'm sorry :( You know where I am if you want to not-talk about it.

Man, what a crash. I'm so sorry.

(In the course of housecleaning, I have discovered a chocolate stash I forgot I even had, so if you get desperate, send me your address and I'll gladly share it with you.)

Not especially useful most likely, but I am and will be thinking of you.

Good on your mind for thinking in healthy ways.
Also, e-hugs.

(Sorry I'm too lazy to log out and in again as me, this is Lizzie)

I'm sorry to hear this. There are never any words of advice that aren't already cliches, but I do hope you feel more spritely soon. You have to shift through a lot of wrong matches before you find the right one, unfortunately. But it's worth it in the end, everytime.

If chocolate was more obliging, I'd be sending some through the net to you now ;-)

I'm sorry. :(

And I'm on a diet now, so you can have all my chocolates. *sends them by Food Transfer Protocol*

*send you the worlds biggest hug*

I'm so sorry. *<3 and chocolate* You know -- well, don't know where I am if you do want to, as Emma put it, not-talk, or be distracted or have someone kick the negative voices in the stomach, but contact me on IRC and I'll give you my work email address.

I'm sorry it didn't work out. I'm glad there's healthy friendship potential. I'm wishing for good things for you.

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