ρ (rho) wrote,
ρ
rho

Snappy answers to random questions

A few weeks ago, I did ye olde "ask me anything" poll. Since I received only a few questions (not unexpectedly), I had intended to use each question as a starting point from which to tangent off and write a longer entry about. Needless to say, the procrastination beast won again so that idea is down the drain. Instead, have relatively short answers.

(There's one question that I've not answered here, since it's private between myself and the person who asked the question. I mean to answer it by email. If I haven't done so within a week or so, person in question, then please prod me to remind me.)

Have you looked at Tales of MU? (I think you might just enjoy it.)

I haven't yet, no. I suck at following links people give to me, especially if they're ones that actually require a bunch of reading to get into rather than just a click, and then look at aq funny picture of a cat. I still have the tab open in my browser though (Tales of MU, if anyone playing along at home wants to join in) so maybe I'll get around to poking at it at some point.

What size hat do you wear?

I haven't the foggiest. I did have my head measured at one point for a proper hat size, when I needed a mortar board when I was at Oxfrod. I think that that's currently sitting in a wardrobe in my old bedroom at my parents' house, though, so I can't check its size. I very rarely wear hats, though, which is sad, because hats are awesome. I must buy more hats.

Are you still doing OU? You haven't mentioned it for a while. That last part isn't really a question.

I'm not. I SNAFUed that one a long while back. There was an assignment, in which I took the questions slowly and carefully, showing much more working, and being much more rigorous than I thought necessary, and it came back covered in red pen saying things like "you haven't followed the procedures rigorously enough" and such like, which rather peeved me. This fell at the same time as an unfun bout of depression, so I found myself lacking in motivation to do the next bit of work, and subsequently started slipping further and further behind and yeah. It just never really happened. Oh well.

This will probably seem ignorant, but you're MtF transgendered. Are you glad to have the experience and knowledge of transitioning or do you wish you'd been born female?

This is probably the most interesting of the questions, and the hardest to answer in brief. I think that the short answer here is "both".

On the one hand, I certainly can't deny that the idea of being born with concave genitalia is appealing. Being TS pretty much sucks in a whole lot of ways. Abuse, surgery, psychiatrists, large medical bills, intense brainfucks; these are all part and parcel of the whole thing, and I think generally I'd be happier without them.

Possibly even more importantly, there's the difference in social and cultural upbringing. Having to learn, as an adult woman, the things that most women learned as girls is tricky. It's something of a truism that MtF trans-folk, while finding their feet, often tend to dress like 12 year old girls with bad dress sense and dreadful makeup. You expect that of 12 year old girls, but not of grow women, but there's really no difference in the amount of learning that the people in question have had a chance to do.

How do you get rid of creepy guys that are coming on to you? How do you put on tights without sticking your toes through them or laddering them? And so on and so forth; there are masses and masses of differences in the cultural upbringing of girls and boys, and I feel quite often as if I missed so much.

On the other hand, it's certainly true that being trans has shaped my life in some positive ways as well. Getting to see both sides of the gender divide is, in some ways, a privilege. Going through the adversity has certainly made me stronger, especially considering the very sheltered upbringing I had. It's given me insight and perspective on things I doubt I'd ever have thought about otherwise, and that's good. What's more, I've met some fabulous people through the trans community and certainly wouldn't want that any other way.

Ultimately though, I think there are two main points here. The first is that without being trans, I would be a completely different person. Go back in time and step on an ant, and oops, suddenly humanity never evolved. I have no clue what my life would be like otherwise. Possibly I'd have ended up following a similar path and would have met some of the same people, but possibly things would have diverged from an early age and I'd be unrecognisable.Either way, I wouldn't be me.

The other thing is that regardless of what I might want, this is the life that I have and wishing won't change it. While I think it's healthy to speculate, and to see some of the benefits and the drawbacks to the cards I've been dealt, I don't think it's something that's good to dwell on. I have the cards that I have, and I'm just going to play them as best as I can.
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