ρ (rho) wrote,


Had my second CBT appointment yesterday. At the moment, we're focussing on things I can do to try to add structure to my life, and get some semblance of physical health going. This seems fairly sensible to me. I'm well aware that the best cure for depression is exercise, a good diet, fresh air, sunshine and the likes. Of course, I'm also equally aware that depression makes it hard to actually get these things, so you have to ease yourself into them gradually. Fortunately, my therapist also knows this, so we're good there.

As I said to him, I know most of the things that I need to work on, and I know what the solutions are. The problem is that everything is intertwined, and problem A feeds problem B which exacerbates problem Cwhich contributes to problem A and so on. What I need a therapist for is to help me figure out which order I need to pull on things to get them untangled, and to tell what's a realistic goal, what's aiming too high, and what's rationalising and excuses.

For now, he's given me a three pronged strategy. First there's the sleep patters. The original strategy of trying to go to bed by midnight and get up by 9am didn't work, since I found myself too exhausted, so the revised plan is to go to bed at midnight and wake up when I wake up. I'm also going to keep a record of my sleep, to try to figure out how much I'm actually sleeping.

The second target set was to try to eat two portions of fruit and veg per day. This is considerably less than the recommended 5 portions per day, but it's considerably better than I do at the moment. It's not that I don't eat any fruit and veg, but I don't eat them regularly. Some days I eat plenty, and some days none at all. The more important part is that 2 per day is actually vaguely attainable, whereas 5 per day would just be distinctly lol no.

My final target is 10 minutes of physical exercise per day. I've not yet figured out what form of exercise I'm going to do, but I'm quite sure that it will be something inside the safety and comfort of my own home (which was what he suggested). He also said that there was a gym in their building which was specifically for people with mental health problems. This is still a terrifying thought, but possibly worth considering for the future.

So far today, I've... completely failed at this, but the day is still young! Maybe I'll get around to being vaguely healthy at some point between now and midnight.

I was completely exhausted yesterday, after the appointment. It didn't seem mentally taxing at the time, but then I wandered around town a bit in a dazed stupor, and then came back home and collapsed. I was sufficiently exhausted that I felt unsteady on my feet just walking between my computer and my kitchen. Of course, this didn't help me actually fall asleep when it came to be bed time. Despite first going to bed at midnight (though later getting back up for a little while because I couldn't sleep), I didn't finally fal asleep until about 3am. Damned insomnia.

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