Log in

No account? Create an account
delirium happy

Just keep on trying till you run out of cake

Previous Entry Share Next Entry
delirium happy
My testosterone levels feel as if they're back down to no higher than they were before my injection, and are quite possibly well on their way down to zero, though that's somewhat difficult to tell. I was thinking about this and realised something last night.

It occurred to me that I may have ejaculated for the last time in my life. I remember, back in the dim and distant past when I was on cyproterone acetate that I didn't ejaculate at all during that time. Apparently, no testosterone leads to no semen. Who knew? If my understanding is correct, the triptorelin should have an even more potent anti-androgenic effect than the cyproterone acetate did, so I can expect the same thing this time around.

Now, this time around, if everything goes to plan I won't be stopping taking this until I have either an orchidectomy (that's a surgical removal of the testes, fact fans) or full blown SRS, which obviously, is a fairly effective means of getting rid of testosterone itself.

It's somewhat odd to have that sense of finality about something, and also be able to realise at the time that this is it. Of course, there are plenty of things that we do at some point in our lives, and then stop, but a lot of the time we just sort of drift away from things, and don't realise that the final time will be the last. In a way, this fees like a last day in school, or something like that. "OK, that stage of my life is over, and it's time to move on."

It's not at all unwelcome, though. I do not tend to enjoy ejaculation. I think that most of the sexual partners I've ever had could attest that I have Issues on that front. It's annoying and messy, and serves as a vivid reminder of gender dysphoria issues at an inopportune time, and I don't even particularly enjoy the physical sensation of ejaculation all that much.

The obvious question, then, would be "why do it in the first place?" There are two reasons here, really. The first is orgasm. Orgasm is fun. I like orgasm. (And yes, orgasm and ejaculation are distinct and separate things.) It's frequently worth it for that, though that does somewhat depend on my mental state at the time. I'm aware that it is possible to orgasm without ejaculating, but I figured that learning how to do so would probably require a lot more time and effort than I wanted to spend on it. The second is as a release of sexual tension.

Either way, I'm happy to think that this isn't something that I'm going to have to bother with again in the future. At least, I do hope that I'm not.

  • 1
So wait, I got halfway through and then had to reread. Did you realise *now* that your most recent ejaculation was your last? (like if I zapped a smoker with a "don't want to smoke any more" ray, they wouldn't have known that their last cigarette was their last.) Or did you actually at some point think "The ejaculation I am currently undergoing or will perform in a few minutes will be my last"? (like some people have a ceremonial last cigarette?)

(And what does it mean that I compare ejaculation and tobacco? Hmm. :) )

I realised shortly after the last ejaculation. Probably less than an hour after. So it wasn't a ceremonial last ejaculation or anything, but it was still sufficiently fresh in my mind as I realised that it would be the last. If that makes sense.

*nods* it makes sense. I think a lot of people can remember their first, and it's rather bookend-ish to remember your last.

  • 1