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delirium happy

Just keep on trying till you run out of cake

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Christmas Shopping
delirium happy
One of the things that irritates me most about this time of the year is the effect that it has on shops. Go into a shop and odds are that it will have far too many people in it, and not nearly enough of whatever it is you want to buy. As such, you end up pushing your way around a throng of flustered and irritable people only to find that you can't even buy what you want because it's out of stock. This seems to be a universal constant no matter whether you're buying sausages, video games or shampoo. Absolutely everything is effected. Of course, that's assuming that it's open at all, which it isn't if you want to go on the wrong day.

My usual way around this is just to avoid any retail outlet for the entirety of December. Anyone who voluntarily goes shopping in December needs their head examining, as far as I'm concerned. And anyone who works retail in December has my admiration and sympathy.

Of course, the one type of shopping that I can't avoid is food shopping. I have something of a history of realising on Christmas Eve that I'm going to run out of food on Christmas morning and not be able to buy more due to the shops being shut, and so I end up having to go out to try to buy food at 8pm on Christmas Eve, which is about as much fun as it sounds.

I'm therefore feeling very proud of myself for thinking it through in advance this year. I went to do my food shopping at 8am this morning, before the supermarket could get busy, and have enough for a week or so. Take that, seasonal shopping stampedes!

The same issue has also left me feeling in something of a funk. See, one of the lessons in life that I'm trying to internalise at the moment is that getting something done is not an excuse to sit back and think "yay, that's my productivity for the month achieved!" but in fact should be a way to gather momentum for getting more things done.

So for instance, I started getting my laser hair removal sorted, and used that to build up momentum to also get my hair cut. But then having got my hair cut I'm finding myself at something of a loss. For one thing, the laser and the hair cut have been things that I've had in my mind as "things I need to do" for years, and having done them, I'm not sure what I want to do next. For another thing, when I do have ideas, they're thwarted by not wanting to brave shops.

So for instance, I'm now thinking that I need to start taking better care of my hair, and learn to get it to do what I want to do, and so on. However, to do this, I feel that some purchase would be necessary. I need to get some sort of chemical goop to help my hair tend towards "curls" rather than "frizz". I need to get a decent hairdrier. Damned if I'm going to go into town at this time of year, though.

And I can't even order online either, because the post is all slow before Christmas, as the system gets clogged up with a million cards.

The net result is that I'm tending towards the way of thinking which says "ok, life is on hold now, and will be resumed at a later date". Of course, this is one of the worst things anyone can ever think. The time for living is now. I know this. It's just hard, sometimes.

I'm going to do something today. I'm not sure what it is that I'm going to do, but I'm going to make sure that I do something. Something aimed towards improving my quality of life in some way or another. Provided I can think of something.

In other news, I'm still having difficulty adjusting to how short my hair is. Of course, it isn't actually short in any objective sense of the word, but I reckon that I must have had a good 8 inches or so chopped off, which is quite a big change to get used to. One of the things that I'm noticing is how much quicker it is to wash my hair now. This is decidedly welcome, since it means I don't have to try to rush through all other in-shower activities (washing, shaving) in order to get out before I run out of hot water.

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Telephone the hairdresser you saw and ask if she likes any particular products to promote curl instead of frizz. Be honest about whether you actually intend to blow dry your hair when using these products — some products are activated by heat and others are not, and it's naturally simply a waste of money should you apply something that needs heat to work and then not blow-dry your hair.

Generally, Curl Instead Of Frizz requires a lot of conditioning and moisturising, but that's just a general rule.

Mine is the exception to that rule. I get better, more gorgeous curls when it's dry, and moisturizing and humidity make it frizz terribly.

A long time ago, a hairdresser suggested to me a product that would actually help keep my hair "dry" despite the humidity of our climate. I can't remember what it was, but I found one conditioner that works really well and colors my hair, too - henna! Of course, that won't work for everyone, but there are "translucent" hennas available that act as a really spectacular conditioner. My baby sister uses that now, and she loves it. No more frizz for her!

See, one of the lessons in life that I'm trying to internalise at the moment is that getting something done is not an excuse to sit back and think "yay, that's my productivity for the month achieved!" but in fact should be a way to gather momentum for getting more things done.

This is a very good one. I think it's actually one of the keys to getting out of a depression-filled life and feeling more "normal" again. Obviously it's not as easy as that, but if you can even achieve small things and then go on to achieve more small things, that's still a huge accomplishment if previously you did nothing. It's tricky to get the right level of basking in the achievement, recovering from the effort, and yet keeping it going so you can move forwards rather than sinking back down.

I'm still not sure how I did it. I think I was lucky in that my depression just sort of randomly dissipated, so my advice isn't all that valid for people who have to do the hard work of fighting through it, because I didn't make much progress when I was there. It's clichéd, but forming a routine is pretty damn important too. I've felt much better in the weeks when I had to get up at 7am and travel in and have a very structured day compared to the weeks off where I've had to structure my own day. It's hard coming up with things to do to build your own routine, and even harder to stick to it. Also, I seem to be on a tangent of rambling right now.

I meant to say that you're doing well, and I hope Christmas etc. doesn't interfere too much with your momentum. I don't think there's much harm in taking a break from progress if external circumstances are making it very hard, as long as you're strict with yourself and resume what you were doing when it's possible again. Maybe take the opportunity to work on sleep schedule again, as that doesn't involve shops and other people and services?

I hate the way shops close. Even Boci, my source of cheap, barely palatable food at any hour of the day + free internet will be closed from the 23rd through January 2nd. Because the 23rd is a Sunday, all the Christmas shopping (that is, food stockpiling) has to be done by tomorrow, which is Saturday and that means everything closes at noon. And stockpiling is extremely difficult when a person doesn't use a fridge and is afraid of the dirty dishes in the kitchen and doesn't cook. this leaves eating out (which won't be an option) and stockpiling nonperishables that can be eaten with the hands. i could buy one bag of potato chips and some candy for each day, but i tend to buy what i want to eat and then eat it and have it done with and that just won't do. i have money, but come christmas i'll have nowhere to spend it and i'll be hungry and irritable.

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