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delirium happy

Just keep on trying till you run out of cake

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New year
delirium happy
rho
I've been completely unexpectedly invited to a new year's party, and I can't decide whether or not I want to go.

Reasons not to go:

I don't know the hosts of the party all that well. They're people I'm friendly with, sure, but they're not particularly close friends.
I also doubt I'll know anyone else there.
Public transport at this time of year is an absolute nightmare and is best avoided.
If I were to have a panic attack or a particularly nasty bout of depression, I'd not have any convenient escape, and it could be potentially quite nasty.
Staying up late for new year could mess up my sleep patterns, which are fairly precarious.
And besides, I have nothing to wear.

Reasons to go:

I really really need to get out and interact with people a whole lot more than I do.


Just from the list, it would seem like not going was something of a no-brainer. However, the one reason to go there is one that carries a lot of weight. I'm still erring on the side of not going, mind. I'm thinking that there are decent genuine reasons not to go, and that trying to push myself into being sociable in this sort of situation seems a little like learning to swim by jumping in at the deep end. The problem is that I don't trust my judgement on this issue at all. Rationalisation is a particular talent of mine, and I'm no good at telling when I'm doing it. Second guessing myself has never been so much fun.

So what do you guys think? Should I go or not? And more importantly, why? I'd do a poll, but I think I'm more likely to listen to thoughts and reasoning than I am to pay any attention at all to the results of tickyboxes.

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How far away from your place is the party?

Go. If it all goes horribly wrong you can blame me!

Because you're not close with them there's no pressure for you to interact with their friends if you don't want to. If you'd rather just lurk and watch people I should imagine you'll be free to do that. You won't be the only person there who won't know anyone other than the hosts- I've never been to a New Year party where everyone did!
I should think in a safe hom environmnet- even if it's not your home you'll feel more at ease with things.

Nothing to wear is an excuse for shiny new things - and eve though it's sales new years eve is generally quiet for shopping so you won't have to worry too much about crowds- not for not going!

If you feel panicky call a taxi and go home.
I think the new proactive Rho can do it and enjoy it. Course as you ARE the new proactive Rho your thoughts are more important than mine.

It's about 40 miles away. They're down in Bolton, and I'm up in Lancaster. Close enough to not be a huge journey, but certainly not close enough to get a taxi home. I shudder to think how much a taxi journey over that distance on new year would cost.

How would you be getting there?
Do ou have a friend with a car you could invite along?
Book and prearrange the price in advance and then just see if they can come earlier if you need them- they'll probably be fiarly free prior to midnight- it's afterwards that prices will rise mentally!

I'm not sure. I hadn't really thought it through. I was too busy thinking over the "should I go or not" parts to spare any thought for things like practicalities. I suppose I'd get the train down. Then as for getting back, well, I suppose I'd best check if I can crash there overnight, because if not then it's all academic. (Jenny, if you're paying attention, do you have crash space? A patch of floor somewhere would be plenty.)

As for people with cars, I can't think of any. I suppose that I could ask my parents, but I don't know what they're doing for new year, they might not even be in the area, and I wouldn't want to impose on them and ruin their new year anyway.

Yes, there will be floorspace available. Unfortunately all the beds have been spoken for. If you have something like a sleeping bag and/or a sleeping mat you might find them useful.

My thoughts - don't go. Interacting with people more than you do now is a good thing, but NYE probably isn't the best time to start. NYE parties can be boisterous, noisy etc and given the lack of public transport very difficult to escape.

I don't know how you interact with people - whether you prefer talking to small groups or dancing with people to loud music or in other ways, but unless you know the hosts well enough to know what the atmosphere of the party will be like, it may well not be a conducive to rhos-interacting-with-people one. If you're not used to interacting with people you might well be overwhelmed simply by the numbers of people there.

Try starting with smaller step socialising - small parties with escape routes available.

As a datapoint, there are very few people whose parties I would go to without an available escape route - some of this is because of a phobia that might well be activated at parties, but it's mainly because I don't like the feeling of being trapped at an event I'm not enjoying. I need to know I've got a way out or I won't bother going at all. I don't consider this a bad thing or that it makes me defective at being social, it's part of being an adult - if I don't want to be somewhere I don't have to stay there and it takes a bit of creative thinking to make sure I have an effective escape route from parties held in the evenings when there's no/little public transport.

Learning to drive/having access to a car is a good thing for parties - you can leave whenever you want and have an excellent excuse to not drink.

Personally I have a "never turn down a social invitation if it's at all feasible" rule, because it's just so easy to find excuses not to go out and socialize, but I never actually regret going out and socializing when I make myself do it. But I also don't get panic attacks, so YMMV.

Don't go. You're right that this isn't the thing to start with, and because you're not close, it's not like they'll be a). able to guess ahead of time if you'll fit in nicely to the party or the group, and b). be looking out for your mental health once you're there. If there were an easy escape route, or the party were closer, I'd say go -- but the combination of no-escape and not-close-friends makes it a no-go.

Do, however, suggest that you get together with the people in question later on in January, and follow through with it, in a smaller setting. :)

well I wouldn't go if I were me, which I am :-)

... is a datapoint.

and I am probably average-ish in my emotional ability to cope with parties and strange people. Not that it's impossible to have a good time at that kind of party, but just that for me that sounds like a scenario where it's rather random whether I do or I don't - a gamble. I would rather save my train fare money for something with better odds. Or if I _were_ going to go, then I would probably want to go with someone who was a close(ish) friend, so we could kind of stick together.

so basically I think your intuitions are guiding you right on this one - it _would_ be an "in the deep end".

Not having anything to wear is a rubbish reason not to go, mind you :-) but the others are quite reasonable i.m.o.

my 2p for what it's worth...

Having nothing to wear was a deliberately naff excuse :)

Thanks for the feedback, though.

Rachel,

Go to the party. Go late if you prefer not to spend too long there.
If you don't get on with someone go talk to someone else.
If you decide to leave early do so and don't feel bad about it.
No sense in making yourself do something you don't enjoy.
BUT - you might enjoy some of it.
If you don't enjoy any of it then you learnt something useful and can move on.

I've decided to try to say Yes to more things from now on. I think life will be more fun that way.

Whatever you decide to do I wish you all the very best for 2008.


Hugs and stuff

Becky ( who is going to a potentially rather fun NYE party )

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