Log in

No account? Create an account
delirium happy

Just keep on trying till you run out of cake

Previous Entry Share Next Entry
Similes, a rant
delirium pissed off
Moving swiftly on from yesterday's lamentable post, which I'm afraid was the result of the combination of my playing silly buggers with kamara in IRC and my having the willpower of a butterfly with ADHD, I bring you a random thought for the day.

Why do people insist on using really really bad similes? I'm thinking of things like "cold as hell" or "boring as fuck" to mean "very cold" and "very boring respectively. No! Wrong! That doesn't make any sense! Hell is not cold1. I'd have thought the whole "lakes of fire" thing would have been a bit of a give-away, but apparently not. Ad if you find fucking boring, then I have to say that you're doing it wrong.

Why not "cold as an Antarctic winter" or "boring as reading the phone book"? If you're feeling poetic, why not "cold as a corpse's handshake"? Or if you aren't feeling creative, why not just "really boring"? Or if you feel the need to use an expletive, what's wrong with "really fucking boring"? Stop abusing similes, people.

Here endeth the pet peeve.

[1] OK, so maybe hell is cold in some mythologies. I think the Ancient Greeks had a cold underworld, but if you just say "hell", that's not what people tend to think of. At best we have a particularly ambiguous simile.

  • 1
The Christian hell has a cold part too. In Dante's Inferno, the 9th circle of hell is described as a lake of frozen ice, with the traitors encased in ice to a depth commesurate with their sin.

Neithe of those are similies. They are not comparisons. They are just ways of swearing. the person who says 'it's cold as hell' does not mean 'the air is as cold as the air in Hell', but simply means 'it's cold and to emphasise how cold it is I am going to swear'.

Your internet posting license has been revoked. Please re-apply for the language use test component in six months.


Go troll someone who cares.

PS, "Internet" is properly written with a capital I.

I have memories of having had boring fucks. My latest ex (the boy) was one of them. But that was a few years ago. Though it might have been annoying, not boring. Though possibly both.

And I like reading the phone book. it has all sorts of names in it.

i think hell is being used as a minor expletive there, not as an actual place which is hot. but it is kind of hard to parse yes.

OK, let me rephrase. If you're having a boring fuck, then the other person is doing it wrong. :)

And yes, I know that it's not really meant as a simile, but rather as an expletive, but it still annoys me.

yeah, that makes sense. :)

and yeah, it is pretty silly when you think about it.

Well, someone is doing it wrong. Which can be values including "not realizing that the other person and I are really not compatible here" or "trying this when I'm not actually interested because I have a bad headache"--and that could count as the other person doing it wrong, if the person with the headache had said they didn't want to/thought this was a bad time. But people don't always.

Would "that was fucking boring" seem righter to you?

Would "that was fucking boring" seem righter to you?

It would. I think possibly on the grounds that there are no alternative interpretations. I mean, I know that when people say "boring as fuck" they don't mean it as a simile, but that's always how I interpret it. With "fucking boring", I can't think of any way to interpret "fucking" other than just being there to intensify "boring".

I guess you wouldn't find it amusing that my girlfriend-at-the-time called me "lovely as crap", then.

That depends. Was she a scat fetishist?

Not as far as I know. Hey, maybe that's why we broke up! Maybe it was the unspoken pressure of her inability to confess her interest in scat to me!

Makes perfect sense to me!

Honestly, if you're going to use a bad simile, at least put some effort into the failure to make sense. Otherwise it's just laziness, and that makes me as mad as a wet herring!

The one that puzzles me is "works like a charm". When the simile-inventing people came up with that one, why on earth did they choose an object for which there's absolutely no scientific evidence that it does what it's supposed to do? It would make far more sense to say something like "works like a fridge".

  • 1